24 coaching clichés: Usable or useless?
Do not throw the baby out with the bath water
When we ignore the use of clichés in coaching and guiding our people, do we throw the baby out with the bath water or not? Let’s investigate that question in this blog. According to Wikipedia, this cliché is used to suggest an avoidable error in which something good is eliminated when trying to get rid of something bad. It’s is derived from a German proverb, das Kind mit dem Bade ausschütten. The earliest record of this phrase is in 1512, in Narrenbeschwörung by Thomas Murner.
Woodcut illustration from Narrenbeschwörung
What’s a cliché anyway?
When you google on the meaning of cliché you’ll find quite a variety of definitions. Let’s use a simple one in this coaching context: “It’s something lots of people say, and it’s supposed to convey some sort of idea or message”. In general, clichés are used when someone is trying to advise another person how to best deal with a certain situation. Assuming the best intentions, the question is whether the piece of advice will have the desired effect. Before we dive into that question, please check some coaching clichés in the picture first.
Coaching cliché bingo
One size fits all
People are different. A piece of advice that is helpful for one person, may have an adverse effect on another person. Let’s investigate the cliché “Think positive”. Some people by default see the upside in any situation. Other people spot the downside in any situation. For the latter group, this piece of advice may work, since it brings balance between the upside and the downside. For the former group, it may have an adverse effect. If you only look at the upside and always stay positive, you lose balance and become naïve.
Usable or useless?
Let’s be honest. I’m not a big fan of coaching clichés and here’s why. For starters, people are different. So, if a piece of advice was helpful to you, that doesn’t mean it will also help other people. When someone shares a problem it’s more helpful to find out why that it is a problem for that person, rather than jumping into sharing how you would tackle that situation yourself. By doing so, you set aside your own projections and learn more about the interpretation of the other person. This also increases the trust factor, since you do not impose your interpretation and solution on the other person, but truly listen to what the other person has to say.
There’s no I in team
Even a sound advice doesn’t always have the desired effect. That is because people may agree with the advice, but do not know how to apply it. We all know it’s wise to say “no” every now and then, but it can be also hard to do so, because a personal belief is blocking you. If you prefer to keep the options open, a “no” is pretty definitive. If you believe you must be strong always, it’s hard to say no to a task, since it will feel like showing you are weak. Those who are sensitive to the responses of other people, will tend to soften their “no” to avoid strong responses. Only when people are aware of their beliefs, a good advice can be implemented in a sustainable way.
There’s no I in team
An alternative definition is “Together Everyone Achieves More”, suggesting we should focus on the team rather than on the individual. I tend to disagree. A team is a group of individuals together for a certain period and certain goal. If you want to get the most out of your team, you should focus on self-awareness before focusing on team awareness. People who are self-aware, are also aware of their contribution to the team, are open to receive feedback and able to change their team behavior in a constructive way.
So, do we throw away the baby with the bath water if we ignore coaching clichés? I would suggest to enjoy them for what they are: clichés. But when it comes down to improving individual or team performance I suggest to use a professional instead of a cliché.